Monday, September 20, 2010

Single Once More

You know those married people who talk glowingly about recapturing the glory of their single lives? They're ridiculous. Just my humble opinion. And I even had some really terrific times with amazing friends during those years, but I'd still never voluntarily go back.

Unfortunately, the U.S. Govt. decided a forced retrogression would do me good, so they took Kis from me for the better part of the last month. I was miserable! But of course he wasn't, no no. Kris was swimming with dolphins and touring D.C. and visiting old friends during his evenings off. Doesn't that sound fun? He says that he missed me, but I just reply, "Yeah, I'll bet, especially when you were WHALE WATCHING!" I gotta get a job with the Feds!

Here's the fun I had:

*sleeping on the couch every night, so basically not sleeping at all
*obsessively checking every lock and burglar bar in the impenitrable fortress
*posting in the living room window my target from a recent lady's pistol night (Just so you know, in case you're planning on breaking into my house and murdering me, I'm a crack shot; and this image is not my target, but it makes a good point-- you should definitely cover your ears if you're planning to let me shoot you.)

*eating grilled tomato and cheese sandwiches for dinner every night
*watching every old episode of "The Office," replayed late at night
*hearding cats (i.e. teaching 7th grade)

So after the military's expiriment on one happily married couple, these are the preliminary results: I'd better be the one who dies first, if quality of life is a determining factor.